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That movie, tho—“Lust awakens the desire to possess,” the old monk says. Hits hard! Sex-dating’s all that, y’know? You’re chasin’ somethin’—a spark, a bang, whatever. But then, bam, you’re ghosted! Happened to me last week—girl was all “Let’s meet,” then poof! Gone! Made me wanna chuck my phone in a lake, like that kid tossin’ stones in the flick. “And that awakens suffering,” monk says. Damn right, bald guy! Ghostin’ hurts worse than steppin’ on a Lego!

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But then, I see it! A big ol’ trout! I’m like, “Yes! Finally!” I reel it in, and it’s a beauty. I’m grinning like a fool. But just as I’m about to take a pic, my phone slips outta my pocket and plops right into the river. Ugh! I’m standing there, soaked and furious.

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