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So I’m stumblin round the dodgy end of town, yeah, lookin for some action. Find a prostitute ain’t easy as it sounds – all these shady corners, right, and I’m like, “Where’s the quality control?!” Saw this one bird, legs up to her neck, and I’m thinkin, “She’s got the goods!” – but nah, mate, she’s chargin more than my tax return! Made me angry, that did – bleedin rip-off! “Sharon!” I yell, cos she’d sort this nonsense out.

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After the meal, we decide to walk it off. We wander down to the Blessington Green, and it’s packed. Kids are running around, people are chilling on benches. I spot a group playing frisbee, and I’m like, “I could totally join.” But then I remember I’m not exactly an athlete.

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