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So, picture this—some dimly lit room, candles flickerin’, oil slicker’n a politician’s handshake. Hands slidin’ everywhere, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. It’s legit therapy, sorta—gets them knots out, but also, y’know, *revs the engine*. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru massage”—slippery seaweed gel, butt-naked bodies glidin’ like eels. Sounds freaky, right? Freaked me out first time I heard it! But damn, it’s popular—folks swear it’s next-level bliss. Me? I’d probly slip off the table, bust my ass, then sue somebody. Clumsy as shit, that’s me.

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Suddenly, my computer crashes. Are you kidding me? I’m staring at the screen like it just insulted my mother. I’m slamming the keyboard, and my coworker, Sarah, is laughing at me. “You okay there, champ?” she says. I shoot her a glare. “Not now, Sarah!”

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