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About Dundalk

Picture this: dim lights, sketchy corners, and me, floatin’ above, cacklin’. “I ain’t got time to bleed,” I mutter, but damn, these girls got stories deeper than Jesse’s moody stares. One time, I saw this chick—legs for days, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Reminded me of Brad Pitt’s line, “You ever count the stars?” ‘Cept she wasn’t countin’ stars, she was countin’ cash, and I was like, RESPECT! Hustle’s real out here.

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First off, I get a call from a driver on O’Connell Street. He’s stuck in traffic, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s Birr! What do you expect?” But nah, he’s losing it. I can hear the frustration in his voice. I mean, who wouldn’t be mad? O’Connell can be a nightmare, especially with all those roadworks. I swear, they’ve been digging up that street since the dawn of time.

Death Notice of David Hanevy (Birr, Offaly)