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I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Rizky shows up. He’s got this huge grin. “You won’t believe what I found!” he says. I’m like, “What now?” He pulls out this old-school skateboard. I’m like, “Bro, where’d you get that?” Turns out, he found it at a garage sale on Jl. Sisingamangaraja. I’m dying laughing. “You’re gonna break your neck!”

Fun With Kids: BBC Earth Screening Festival, free local children’s books