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Now, I reckon it’s a right art, this sexual-massage lark. Not just a quick fumble – no, no, *ars longa, vita brevis*, takes skill! Them ancient Greeks, they knew it – little-known fact, yeah? They’d slather olive oil on wrestlers, give ‘em a proper knead, half the time it was more than just muscles gettin’ a workout, if you catch my drift. Proper saucy stuff! Gets the blood pumpin’, makes you feel alive – “I drink your milkshake!” I’d yell, if I were the one gettin’ rubbed. Power in them hands, mate, pure power.

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After all that chaos, I finally make it to the riverbank. The Danube is so pretty, especially at sunset. I sit there, just soaking it all in. But then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Get a room, people!” But then, they start laughing. It’s like a rom-com in real life. I can’t even.

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