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So, sex-dating, yeah? It’s like a jungle out there, fam. You got blokes posin’ with fish—why, tho? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos they’re mugs! And the birds, all filtered up, lookin’ like Barbie had a meltdown. I’m like, “Bruv, show me the real you!” Makes me vexed, that does—fake pics, catfishin’, wastes me time. But when it hits? Oh mate, pure bliss! Met this one lass, right, proper fit, we vibed instant. Took her to Nando’s—cheeky, innit?—and she’s all, “I don’t do one-nighters.” Respect! Like the monk in the film says, “Lust awakens the intent to kill”—well, kill me appetite for players, it did!

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So, I keep walkin’, and I decide to hit up the Szarvas Arboretum. It’s this beautiful park with all these trees and flowers. I’m sniffin’ the air, and it’s like a perfume shop exploded. I’m in heaven! But then, I see this group of teenagers. They’re blasting music and bein’ all loud. I’m like, “Dude, chill! This is nature!” But they don’t care. They’re too busy takin’ selfies.

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