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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s not just rubbin’ – it’s art, yeah? Little known fact: back in Thailand, they’ve been twistin’ bodies into knots for centuries, callin’ it “nuad boran” – ancient massage, but with a sexy twist! Gets the blood pumpin’, leaves ya feelin’ like a million quid. Had one in Bangkok once, nearly lost my bleedin’ mind – happier than a pig in shit! “I’m the king of the world!” I yelled, channellin’ Leo from that flick.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I grab a random pastry instead. It’s not the same, but whatever. I’m walking down the street, and I see this street performer on Rákóczi utca. He’s playing some sick tunes, and I can’t help but stop. I toss him a few coins. He looks at me like I’m a rockstar. I’m like, “Nah, man, you’re the real deal.”

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