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So, sexual-massage—hands slidin’ everywhere, all sensual-like. Supposed to relax ya, but I’d rather chop wood. Got this buddy, Jerry, tried it once—came back glowin’ like a damn hippie. Said it “freed his soul.” Bullcrap. I’d say, “I’m not interested in your feelings,” like Gyllenhaal in *Zodiac*, huntin’ that killer. Sexual-massage ain’t my hunt. Too much touchin’, not enough whiskey.

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Finally, my client shows up. He’s all flustered, like he just ran a marathon. We check out the place, and it’s decent. But then, he starts nitpicking every little thing. “Oh, the kitchen is too small.” “The bathroom needs a new showerhead.” Dude, it’s not a five-star hotel!

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