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Me, I’m torn – part of me’s like, “Oh, brilliant, unwind with a side of naughty,” but then I’m fuming! Last time I tried it, some twat charged me 50 quid extra for “special vibes” – vibes my arse! Felt like I’d been mugged in lavender oil. Little known fact, right – back in the 80s, dodgy parlours got raided cos punters thought “massage” meant “full shag.” Plods shut ‘em down, and now we’ve got these posh spa wankers acting all legit. Drives me mental – just call it what it is!

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First of all, it’s perfectly normal when genital touch is done with consent (permission or agreement) of both parties: the client and the massage practitioner. It usually means that this .

Then, I get a text from my next client. She’s freaking out because she can’t find a dress for her sister’s wedding. I’m like, “Chill, girl! I got this!” But I’m also panicking inside. I can’t let her down. So, I rush over to the boutique on Petőfi utca. The owner, a sassy lady named Ilona, is like, “You again?” I’m like, “Yup, and I need a miracle!”