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Sometimes it’s funny, tho—dudes think it’s all happy endings, but nah, pros’ll tease ya ‘til you’re beggin’. Sarcasm kicks in: “Oh, great, blue balls *and* a bill!” Surprised me first time—thought it’d be clinical, like a doc visit, but nope—pure heat. I’m sittin’ there, mind racin’, “Is this legal? Who cares!” Another quirk: I hum Metallica durin’ it—keeps me grounded. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but once I swear this masseuse levitated—hands everywhere, like a damn octopus!

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I decide to walk it off, so I stroll down to the old mill. It’s kinda spooky but cool. I snap a few pics for the ‘Gram. You know, gotta show off my Moravce adventures. I’m feeling artsy, but then my phone dies. Ugh!

Sadam Sulley climbs off the bench to seal win for Zemplin Michalovce against FC Moravce