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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all about the vibe, innit? Dim lights, some dodgy incense, and bam—tension’s meltin’ like a cheap candle. I reckon it’s ancient, too—heard them Egyptians were at it, slatherin’ oils on pharaohs, makin’ em feel like gods. Little known fact: Cleopatra probs got one daily, that sly minx! Bet she’d say, “This is my war,” like Bigelow’s bomb lads, ‘cept her war was against a stiff neck.

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Finally, I manage to clear the beach. I’m soaked, and not just from the water. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the storm, and it’s kinda beautiful, ya know? The way the lightning lights up the sky over the Tisza River. But then, I see this old man on the promenade, just chillin’ with his fishing rod. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious? You’re gonna fish in a storm?”

FMD: New border closures on Slovak and Austrian routes