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Up on the ridge, saw this bloke once. Shifty eyes, boots caked in mud. Lookin’ for “company,” he says, winkin’. Mate, I nearly lost it—laughed so hard I choked. “A grand don’t grow on trees,” I hissed, quotin’ *25th Hour*. Spike Lee’d get it—desperation’s a helluva drug. This guy, tho, dumb as rocks. Thought he’d find a prossie at 8,000 feet! I mean, c’mon, altitude sickness ain’t sexy.

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I’m walking down Daugavas iela, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out. Like, full-on cartoon style. I can’t help but laugh. He gets up, brushes himself off, and yells, “I’m fine!” But his face says otherwise. Classic Darzciems moment, right?