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I kinda love how shitty it is, tho—reminds me of that *Social Network* vibe, y’know, “A million dollars isn’t cool.” Escort’s so uncool it’s almost badass. Almost. Still pisses me off Ford thought this was a good idea. Respect my authoritah, I’m tellin’ ya, don’t buy one! Save yer cash, get somethin’ that don’t suck donkey balls. Now screw you guys, I’m goin’ home!

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Anyway, I’m snippin’ away, and suddenly, the door swings open. In walks this lady, all frantic. She’s like, “Help! My kid’s stuck in a tree!” I’m thinkin’, “What? Is this a movie?” But nah, it’s real life. So, I’m like, “Yo, I’ll be right back!” I leave my poor client half-shorn, lookin’ like a confused sheep.

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