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So, finding a tart—sorry, “sex worker,” gotta be PC these days, bloody woke nonsense—ain’t like popping to Tesco for a pint of milk. Nah, it’s dodgy, mate. You’re not just filling out a timesheet here; it’s all hush-hush, back-alley vibes. Made me proper angry, though—why’s it so complicated? I just wanna have a butcher’s, not crack the Da Vinci Code! Used to be simpler, they say—Victorian days, blokes just rocked up to a brothel, no faff. Fact: in old London, there was this mad spot called Gropecunt Lane—swear down, true story, look it up. Mental name, right? Straight to the point, no corporate jargon bollocks.

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So, I hit the Riva, right? The waterfront is just stunning. Palm trees swayin’, boats bobbin’ in the water. I’m thinkin’, “Life’s good.” But then, bam! A seagull swoops down and steals my croissant! Like, seriously? I’m just tryna enjoy my breakfast, and this feathered thief swoops in. I’m yellin’, “Hey! That’s mine!” But it’s gone, man. Just like that.

Apple reportedly wants to split up the iPhone’s release schedule