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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, Bumble, whatever – total sausage fest some days, gets me proper riled! But then, you get a match, heart’s racin’, you’re like, “This is it, team!” Next thing, they’re bangin’ on about “ethical non-monogamy” or some bollocks. Mate, I just want a shag, not a TED Talk! Did ya know, back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this? “Single lad, 30, seeks fit bird” – no swipin’, just vibes. Mental, eh?

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I rushed to the bar on Trg Ivana Pavla II. You know, the main square? It’s always packed with tourists. I swear, if I see one more selfie stick, I might lose it. Anyway, I get there, and my boss is already on my case. “Where you been?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, chill. I’m here now.”

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