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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Sex: Woman. Ethnicity: Black. Nationality: French. Age: Eyes: Brown. Height Montargis, Villemandeur, Amilly, Pannes. Phone number: fr App.

After that, I take a break. I step outside, and the sun is shining on Rue de la Paix. It’s beautiful, but then I see this guy trying to parallel park. He’s all over the place. I’m talking three-point turns, bumping into the curb. I’m dying laughing. Like, bro, just give it up!

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