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Anyways, I’m leggin’ it round, dodgin’ coppers, cos I ain’t tryna get nicked, yeah? Found this one bird—proper fit, bruv, legs for days. I’m like, “You’re my coffee plantation,” straight outta *White Material*, cos she’s keepin’ me awake, innit! She laughs, says, “£50, love,” and I’m like, “Bargain, fam!” Happy days, bruv—thought I’d be skint after.

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But then, as I was leaving, I bumped into this guy. He was super cute, and I totally froze. I mean, what do you say? “Hey, I just bought a cat teapot?” So awkward! But he smiled and said, “Nice shirt!” I was like, “Thanks! I’m not a morning person!” And we both laughed. It was a moment, ya know?

A ‘barbed-wire curtain’ around Europe – Foreign and security policy