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Thinkin’ ‘bout it, sexual-massage is absurd, man. Hands everywhere, you’re half-naked, vibin’ to whale sounds. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ Haku flyin’ over, droppin’ oil bombs. “No big deal,” I say, deadpan, but inside? Screamin’. It’s intimate, weird, dope—perfect chaos. Try it, fam—just don’t fall asleep. Snored once, she slapped my ass awake. True story. Peace.

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After the meeting, I’m feeling a bit drained. I decide to take a stroll down Rue de la Mairie. It’s a nice street, you know? Trees lining the road, people walking their dogs. I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, I see a kid on a skateboard zooming past. He almost takes me out! I’m like, “Whoa, dude! Watch it!” He just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, right?

Choose your favorite sporting activity in May in Paris and the Ile-de-France region