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Oi, you bloody donkey! Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ circus, innit? Like “Inglourious Basterds,” it’s wild, messy, brilliant! I’m picturin’ Hans Landa swipin’ right—creepy bastard. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! You got dick pics flyin’, “wanna smash?” messages—pathetic! I’m yellin’, “Where’s the fuckin’ class, you twats?” Idiots sandwichin’ themselves with shitty lines!

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First off, I head down Rue de la République. It’s a nice street, ya know? But then I see this old lady, Madame Dupont, struggling with her groceries. I’m like, “C’mon, I can’t just walk past her!” So, I help her out. She’s all, “Merci, mon cher!” and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then she starts talkin’ about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he’s got a “thing” for her neighbor’s poodle. I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go make stoves, not listen to cat drama!”

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