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About Ahmadi

Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ minefield. Everybody lies, right? Just like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, you’re huntin’ for somethin’—truth, a hookup, whatever—but it’s all buried under layers of crap. I mean, swipin’ on apps, it’s like interrogatin’ a suspect. “Enhanced interrogation,” my ass—half these profiles are fake as hell. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re barely 5’9” in lifts. Chicks postin’ pics from 2015, pre-kids, pre-20 pounds. Everybody’s playin’ a game, and I’m over here like, “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s been through hell. I’m feelin’ all soft-hearted, so I give it some of my leftover sandwich. It’s like I just made a new best friend. But then, it starts followin’ me! I’m like, “Dude, I can’t take you home!” But it’s too late. This dog is now my shadow.

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