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Lemme tell ya, erotic-massage ain’t just hands on skin. It’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had these “massage parlors,” but wink-wink, they weren’t fixin’ backs. Fact is, some say Cleopatra got daily rubs with oils—prolly spiced it up too, knowin’ her! Makes me happy thinkin’ how humans been freaky forever.

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I get to the park, Parc de la Mairie, and it’s a jungle out there. I mean, weeds everywhere! I’m talkin’ like they’re auditioning for a horror movie. I grab my tools, ready to battle. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. “Mister, can you help my turtle?” I’m like, “What? A turtle?” Turns out, it’s stuck in the bushes. I’m thinking, “How did a turtle even get here?” But hey, I’m a softie. So, I rescue the little dude. Kid’s all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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