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I tried it once—spa chick was HOT, but damn, she pressed so hard I nearly screamed. Made me mad as hell—thought she’d snap my spine! Then—oh, sweet Jesus—it flipped. Bliss hit me like a freight train, muscles singin’, happy as a pig in shit. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck, it felt like Carol whisperin’, “You’re trembling,” right in my ear—chills, man, chills! Pro tip—don’t go cheap, cheap ones rush it, no soul, just wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am vibes. Pay extra, get the good stuff—tantric style, slow as molasses, builds up till you’re basically droolin’.

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So, I’m on cloud nine, right? I decide to celebrate. I hit up this little bistro on Rue de la Gare. I order a croissant and a glass of wine. Living the dream, right? But then, the waiter brings me a salad instead. I’m like, “No, no, I wanted the croissant!” He just shrugs. I mean, come on!

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