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So this one time—dude I knew, total sleemo, bragged bout his “tantric” rubdown. Said it lasted 3 hours—3 HOURS! I’m like, what, you a hutt? “The image is a prison,” Godard whispers. Yeah, prison of lube and awkward grunts. Surprised me—people pay big creds for this. Happy? Sure, if you’re into strangers pokin you. Me? I’d choke the masseuse—too close, too slimy.

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Now, as I give a backrub here and there, I always notice the scent of pine that sweeps through the air when I stroll along the banks of the Sievijoki river. It’s enough to make a gent’s heart skip a beat – or maybe that’s just me drowsy head from a busy day's work. Err, whatever, right? Ye be knowin’, every nooks in this town hides a story if ye only squint hard.

Wolves shot amid “exceptional number” of backyard sightings in Western Finland – Eye on the Arctic