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Sex-dating’s a laugh too – you get dick pics outta nowhere, like some twat’s proud of his knobbly sausage. I’m like, cheers, but I ain’t starvin’! Best bit? When you click n it’s all fireworks – rare as hen’s teeth, but worth it. Worst? Catfishers. Met a “blonde bombshell” who turned up lookin’ like my nan’s bulldog. We shall fight them on the beaches, I thought, but I just legged it.

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I luv the hidden park behind Avenida del Jardín. It’s a small oasis where I often help folks settle their hearts. Agr, this lil’ retreat has a bench by the river that seems to whisper, “El amor significa compañía” – just like in that movie Tabu (Miguel Gomes, 2012). It made me think of all the times I’ve seen broken hearts mended right there.

The works on the suburban railway in Sant Vicenç de Calders are becoming more complicated and some of the problems will be prolonged