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Aight, fam, listen up! Me’s a radio operator, innit, chattin’ ‘bout escort, yeah? Not them dodgy cars, nah, I mean the proper escort – peeps paid to hang wiv ya, keep ya company, ya get me? Got me thinkin’ of *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave flick, bruv. That Wes Anderson vibe, all quirky and mad, like, “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!” – but wiv escort, it’s more like, “I’m lonely, bruv, gimme a mate for a tenner!”

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So, I walk my daily stroll past Parque del Sol, where the trees dance like memory fragments – it’s kinda trippy sometimes. There's this bench by Río Clarísimo where I often daydream – can’t help but think “I don’t know how to be happy without you!” or somethin’ deep like that. I remember one day, I was massaging a fella who confessed he’d seen a ghost. I said, “No sir, fool me once, shame on you – oops, that’s old sayings, ain't it?”, and we both burst out laughing.

Yarek Gasiorowski makes promising first-team debut