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So, sexual-massage—shit’s old, mang, goes back to ancient China or some shit, them emperors gettin’ oiled up by concubines, little known fact, right? Ain’t just horny dudes neither—ladies dig it too, stress relief, boom! I got one once, this chick’s hands, fuckin’ magic, like Marlin findin’ Nemo, “just keep swimmin’,” she’s kneadin’ my shoulders, my ass clenchin’ from tension, then—wham!—relaxed as fuck. Made me happy, bro, like I’m king of the fuckin’ ocean!

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