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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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The city’s got these soem secret spots, ya know, like the tiny cafe on Rúa de la Mar. That place is a slice of heaven; you get a coffee while watchin’ people try to wear hipster glasses just so they can appear smart and mysterious. My expereince there? Lost count of how many times I've seen faces light up when the WiFi kicks in.

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