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About Valencia

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.

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Oh, and the neighborhoods, hon? Barrio Los Deseos is off the charts! Narrow alleys, lively markets, street art that just POPS! I get so hyped here and sometimes even yell “Oh, honey, this is freakin’ fabulous!”—whenever a scrap of graffiti makes me think of our complex emotions. Then you got Parque Milagro, a quiet break from all the buzz. I wander along its winding paths, with the soft burble of the Río Encanto nearby, murmuring secrets like “This is the life, baby!” It’s so serene, like a whispered promise in that under-the-skin style, where every shadow hides a mystery.

Octavia Butler and the Pimply, Pompous Publisher