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About Valencia

Me, I like the ones with stories—grit in their veins. Reminds me of Dae-su in *Oldboy*, trapped, fightin’, fuckin’ lost. “Laugh and the world laughs with you,” he says, but escorts? They laugh, and ya wonder what’s hidin’ behind it. Once met this gal—Lysa, swear her name was—worked the docks. Said she’d bedded a pirate who paid in parrots. Parrots! Squawkin’ bastards shat all over her flat. Made me piss myself laughin’, but I was pissed too—imagine the smell!

Health Status

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Bruh, geez, you wouldn’t believe some days. My job though? Oh, it’s wild—swiping, matching, texting all day long. Hard feelings when ya see fake profiles, like, come on man, be real already! And maddening, get this: I even programmed a darn algorithm for that—lol, it’s like my little WALL-E, to lead love, it must! And I swear, sometimes the bugs make me wanna yell “I’m so trash compactor-d!”

Laguna Beach fills up on holiday cheer at Hospitality Night