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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” and I’m a bloody Nose, sniffin’ out the good stuff—like erotic-massage! Ya know, that slippery, steamy world where hands do the talkin’. I’m obsessed, right? Like in *The Hurt Locker*, “The rush of battle is a potent drug,”—swap battle for a hot oiled-up rubdown, and I’m hooked! Gets my evil heart pumpin’, yeah?

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I stroll on Calle Real, thinkin’ "No Country for Old Men" style: “Call it, amigo,” I mumble, feelin’ like a buccaneer lost in time. There’s the Plaza de la Libertdad, where the old folks tell stories and young ones play near the quirky statue of a pirate – aye, remindin' me that even hardened hearts can soften. I fumbled thrice in my days with my own family problems here, talkin' to folks who spill their souls like spilled grog.