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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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Yo, so, get this, I was at Parq de la Serenid, a fabled park where the trees dangle like whimsical dreams, when suddenly, one of these crazy squirrels ran to me, like, "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" I was like, "Whaaat, bro?!" It was madt and hilarious, I loooove that moment.

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