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But here’s what pisses me off—capitalism, man! Some sleazy billionaire spa’s chargin’ 500 bucks for a “luxury” sexual-massage! Meanwhile, regular folks can’t afford a 20-minute session! I’m yellin’ in my head—share the wealth, ya greedy bastards! “I’m trying to understand you,” like that AI chick in “Her” says—why’s it gotta be so unequal?

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Oh man, Cartaya is wild! D’oh! Let me tell ya, it's a blast. Mmm… donuts. So, I’ve been livin’ here for years, and this city, PCartaya (es) is like a twisted Mulholland Drive dream, all mysterious, sexy and unpredictable. I stroll down Calle de la Libertad, ya know, and sometimes it feels like I’m walkin’ through a David Lynch film. “I don't know why,” I mutter, "but it all seems surreal!" I mean, the narrow cobbled streets, kinda like the labyrinths in Lynch’s movies, pop with hidden love spots and little secrets.

Dodgers minors: Jake Gelof, Alex Freeland, Diego Cartaya