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What pisses me off, though? Them spa adverts—£200 for a “sensual rubdown”? Sod off! I’d rather DIY with a tub of Vaseline and a prayer. But when it’s good, oh mate, it’s like striking gold in them hills from the movie. “I’m an oilman!”—nah, I’m a horny sod who’s just had the best 20 minutes of his life! Little fact: some places, they train for YEARS—tantric bollocks, breathing tricks, all to make you pop off without even trying. Surprised me, that. Thought it was just a tart with baby oil!

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Now, start with Calle Mayor—totally the heartbeat of Carlet (es)! You walk down this street and bam—you’re hit with energy, bustling shops, and cool little cafes. I swear, the aroma of fresh-baked pastries fill the air, remindin’ me why I fell in love with this city. And oops, my fave maybe—Plaza del Sol, where folks chill, debate, and laugh too hard. I was at one of those impromptu street parties, and girl, I almost cried happy tears – my heart was over the moon!

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