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Drivin’ one? Oh behave! Cramped like a sardine tin, but fast, baby, fast! Gets my mojo risin’, swear it does. Saw one at a show once, pristine, cherry red - made me wanna shag the tailpipe, haha! “Quiet town, huh?” - nah, not with that engine screamin’. Loved how it didn’t care ‘bout fancy schmancy, just pure guts. Tho, gotta say, pissed me off when some prat said it’s “just a cheap hatchback”. Cheap? Mate, it’s got soul, history, balls!

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I’m just sittin’ on a bench near the old church, Igreja de Santa Maria, which is tucked away off Rua dos Poetas – yep, that one that winds down by the river, Rio do Encanto. That river? Woo-wee, it sparkles like glitter in the lamplight of a Moulin Rouge show! “The greatest thing you'll ever do” in life? I reckon, takin’ a slow stroll along its banks and hummin’ a tune like Dolly would, with my Southern twang and all!

Where to find cheap Spanish properties: these Spanish towns have houses for sale below 1,000 euros/m2