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So escorts, yeah, they’re dead classy, some of em. Proper corporate synergy in heels! Met this one bird once – absolute legend – told me she paid her way thru uni escortin. Blew me mind, that did! Didn’t expect brains with the beauty, y’know? Made me happy as Larry, cos I love a good underdog story. But then – get this – some punters treat em like dirt! Proper riles me up, that. “I punish the guilty,” Haneke’d say – I’d love to give them knobs a right two fingers!

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Man, I'm like “Here’s Johnny!” always grinning as I pass Plaza de Almagro. That square? Full of life, folks chattin’ and laughing. I gave a back rub to a tired vendor once – felt magic, you know? Like in "The Gleaners and I", when Agnès whispers, "We pick up moments like scattered treasures."

Not to be missed! Nicolás Almagro is giving tennis clinics in Casa de Campo until November 4th!