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Oi, mate, check it – escort, innit! Me, an archivist, diggin’ through dusty files, yeah? But escort? That’s a whole vibe, fam! Ain’t talkin’ no fancy cars here – nah, it’s them late-night walkers, bruv. Like in me fave flick, *The Headless Woman* – “What did I do?” – that’s what I’m thinkin’ when I see ‘em strut. Mysterious, yeah, like Lucrecia Martel’s camera lingerin’ on some dodgy shit.

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Aguimes is a wee town, nestled in the hills of Gran Canaria. I wake up every morn on Calle Real – that's my go-to street, full of small cafes and kinda old-school vibes. I stroll past the Church of Nuestra Señora de Los Remedios – an ol’ beauty that’s stood since forever. I remember massagin’ a fella outside that church, talkin’ ‘bout life. He said, “I’m a man of faith, but I also need a good rubdown!” I laughed – “Git-R-Done, my brother!”

A hotel chain faces a fine of 100,000 euros for dumping rubbish on protected land