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Mate, this one time—*giggles*—bloke next door, loud groans, I’m like, “Blimey, tone it down!” Thought he’s filming summat saucy—turns out, just a knotty calf! *slaps knee, falls off stool* Little fact—Thailand’s got these wild techniques, fish nibbling yer toes while hands work yer neck—mental, right? Surprised me gob—fish AND massage? *shudders, then grins* Loved it though—felt floaty, happy, like nicking jelly from Tesco!

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