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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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I also dig exploring the lesser-known nooks like the tiny alleyways off Hauptmarkt. Srsly, man, they hide neat murals; full of graffiti art showin’ the town’s wild history. Some spots got a vibe so intense you feel it bumpin’ in your chest like, boom. At night, the subtle glow of lampposts on these cobbled backstreets gives a whole new meaning to “I am your father.”

Two U.S. Air Force F15 fighter planes collided in...