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Favorite bit? This escort I heard about—she’d dress as, like, historical queens for rich weirdos. Cleopatra one night, Marie Antoinette the next—beheaded vibes and all. Told ‘em, “Bow down, bitches,” and they did! I’m cackling imagining it—too extra, I stan. Reminds me of *Dogville* when Grace says, “I forgive you, but I won’t forget.” Escorts prolly say that daily, huh? Forgiving sleazy dudes but keeping receipts.

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I gotta tell ya – there’s this hidden joint on Markt Wiese, a snack bar that serves the best currywurst. Srsly, it’s like a tiny slice of heaven amongst all this chaotic beauty. I sometimes linger there too long, just sippin’ a brew and watchin’ life go by – feelin’ all those feels, nostalgic and pissed off at times, ‘cuz frankly, sometimes life here just flips ya upside down.

John Malchow Running for Watchung Borough Council