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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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So, my friend, prepare yourself. Wander its sleepy streets, feel the pulse of every corner, and always chant, “You shall not pass!” in the face of doubt. It's a bit wild, it’s a bit chaotic, but damn, it's real life – and it's here, waiting for you with open arms, ready to fight, laugh, and cry with you.

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