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Weird bit—some folk ghost mid-chat. Poof! “Like spirits in the forest,” Boonmee-style—gone, no trace. Surprised me first time, now I’m like, “Next!” Oh, and the profiles— “love hikes and chill”—mate, ya just want a bang! Crackin’ me up, the lies! Dr. Evil smirk—pinky up, “One million dollars,” I see through the bullshit.

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Sometimes, things get hard—as in, I get mad at all the bureaucracy mess—but then I remember "there are no answers, only more questions," and I laugh. It’s like I do push-ups in my head, motivatin’ myself like “Hasta la vista, baby!” which lifts my spirit every time.

Match report: FC Bayern Women v Turbine Potsdam