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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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I gotta sign off now, my head spinning with secret thoughts and frequent misstakes: loev, wrokng, feslty, curiouss, excieted, fucky, terrificc, reallyy, amazeing, whood, and smilee. Enjoy your visit, my friend – and always, “Dream big, my chum!”

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