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But here’s the kicker—some folks think sexual-massage is all dirty and illegal. Pisses me off! If I wanna pay some chick to rub my junk, that’s my damn right! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody, ‘cept maybe my wallet—$50 gone in 10 minutes, what a ripoff! Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing called “soaplands”—brothels with bubble baths and massages. Bubble butts and slippery nuts, sign me up! Surprised the hell outta me when I heard that, thought them Japanese were all robots and sushi.

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Oh yesss, my dearest friendo, let me tell ya 'bout Guestrow (de) – it’s a wild, twisty maze of wonder, it is, yesss! I live here, I do, and every street, every crooked alley, twinkles like a secret treasure in my relaxation soul. Oh my precious, the Guestrow Hauptplatz – stone paths and faded benches, it’s like the movie said, “A glimpse of hope... in a world of despair,” yesss, but we know better, don’t we, stupid, fat hobbit!

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