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Hey, pal, buckle up—I'm Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m divin’ into this hot mess about whores, ‘cause why not? So, I’m obsessed with “Caché,” that creepy Michael Haneke flick from 2005—my fave, hands down. It’s all about secrets, shame, and peekin’ where ya shouldn’t. Whores fit right in—like, who’s watchin’ who, right? “Who sent this tape?”—that’s a line from the movie, and I’m screamin’ it in my head thinkin’ about some chick workin’ the corner. Is she hidin’ somethin’? Is someone stalkin’ her? God, it’s juicy.

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You sees, out near the river, that shimmering water, the Mbam River, glistens under a strange moon. It flows, gliding like soft skin. Funny, isn’t it? Gollum loves the little places we hide in, yess, especially the park, Parc de l’Éclat. Soft grass under bare feet, like a gentle massage caress, hsss. I remember one day, precious, I was massaging a grumpy old man on a bench, and his laughter was the music of the breeze. So silly, but so heartful, yes.

Bicycle riders from Burkina Faso, Ivory Coast, Rwanda get accident for Chantal Biya race