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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—me, Boris, your dodgy Russian Sign Language translator, waffling on about erotic-massage! Now, I reckon it’s a bloody brilliant thing, innit? Hands sliding about, all oily-like, muscles going "cor blimey, cheers!"—pure *delectatio*, as the Romans’d say. Been pondering this since I last watched *Far From Heaven*—you know, my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002, proper tearjerker. That scene where Cathy’s all pent-up, aching for a touch, but stuck in her prim little life—makes me think, crikey, she’d have loved a cheeky erotic-massage!

Asian Massage in West Humber-Clairville

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The local coffee joint on Birch Ave? It’s a hidden gem. I crash there sometimes. Great for chatting away personal shit with a latte that tastes too damn sweet. I always say, "Life is strange, but we find a way." And the irony? It hits you, like a Ron Swanson steak. Brutal, minimal, and no-nonsense.

Break and enters reported at three Etobicoke homes (June 7)