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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—ya know, down low—and yer like, “You cannot pass… yet!” Total *Children of Men* chaos, all quiet then BOOM, life sparks. Pro tip: coconut oil’s the shiz, smells like paradise, not some cheap lotion crap. Oh, and in Japan, they’ve got this sexual-massage ritual—shibari style, ropes and rubs, freaky but dope. Bet Theo’d dig that, runnin’ from dystopia into somethin’ spicy!

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Then there’s the parks – oh my god, the parks! Reservoir Park never fails to surprise me with its chill vibes and random picnics. You know, I usually take my break there, venting my dating site frustrations, and the cool breeze makes me forget my troubles. Its trails cross the glistening, small Portage River – it’s sooooo on point. I once tripped right near the riverbank – so embarassing but hilarious later.

Driver in stolen truck arrested after fatal collision on east side of Portage la Prairie