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But yo, real talk, it ain’t all roses. Some spots, they scam you—charge 200 bucks for a weak rubdown. Pissed me off once, I was like, “Yo, where’s the magic, fam?” Felt like a Wes Anderson scene gone wrong—no whimsy, just awkward. But when it’s good? Man, it’s like—“This is our island, our rules.” Tension melts, you floatin’, it’s spiritual, almost. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s art, like my beats, unpredictable but dope.

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So there ye have it, friend. Port-Coquitlam, in all its twisted, vivid glory. A town that's as mysterious and layered as cachéed secrets, with streets that sing and parks that whisper. It might be as unpredictable as the tides, sometimes maddening, sometimes downright glorious. But trust this old masseur – this city has a heart that beats as fiercely as any pirate’s chest. Cheers to adventures, misadventures, and all the hidden gems waiting around every corner! Savvy?

Port Coquitlam teen in coma after falling on North Shore mountain