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Oh, and get this—some places sneak in “happy endings,” ya catch my drift? Total shocker, had me blushin’ like Marge caught me stealin’ donuts. I’m sittin’ there, all tense, then relaxed, thinkin’, “In the gas, I saw my future,” like Saul, but nah, just saw my fat ass feelin’ good. Pro tip—check the reviews, ‘cause some masseuses suck at the sexy part. Total buzzkill. Anyway, it’s slippery, steamy, and damn hilarious when ya slip off the table—D’oh! Worth it tho, trust me, pal!

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Maaan, sometimes I feel like I'm livin’ in a trilogy, each street a different chapter. I had this one client, always sayin’, "C'est la vie, man", right after I cracked a joke that reminded him of that random scene in A Prophet. I laughed so damn hard cause I was like, “Hell yeah, life's a trip!” But hey, I digress.

Montreal woman dies after bear attack