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But then you got the flip side—creeps and weirdos, man! This one time, my homie tried sex-datin’, and some dude sent her a pic of his foot with “u like?” Bro, what?! Got me dyin’ laughin’ but also pissed—like, who raised you, fam? And don’t get me started on them catfish! They out there lyin’ like “I am nothing without pretending,” quotin’ *Tree of Life* vibes, but they ain’t deep—they just fake as fuck. Surprised me how bold they be, tho—takes guts to scam like that.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the Eschen Park. It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some weird action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

Tom Eschen